Kissing: The Devil Is In The Details

A lipstick kiss mark, from, you know, kissing

Welcome back to my new miniseries, The Devil Is In The Details! Last time, I went into unreasonable depth about cum – what I love about it, and about everything surrounding its production – and now, we’re taking a look at an oft-overlooked but extremely sexy aspect of fucking: kissing.

Not just kissing, of course – I’m also thinking of snogging (or, for the non-Brits in the audience, making out) and everything that entails. I’m thinking of the transition from bumping your dry lips together to opening your mouth and sharing spit. I’m thinking of the wet warmth of a tongue against my lower lip. I’m thinking of the sounds a person makes when I bite down on theirs.

Kissing is hot because it just is, but also because it serves as the spark that turns the dry kindling of want into the roaring flame of need, giving you fuel to grab a fistful of someone’s hair and yank on it. A good snog is the perfect time to try growling at me for the first time, while one hand grasps the back of my neck like I’m a misbehaving kitten and the other tries desperately to unbutton my jeans. It’s also a great time to shove a hard, unrelenting knee into the gap between my thighs, and to hold it there, perfectly still, while I start trying to grind my fully-clothed cunt against it.

You can kiss softly, gently, reverently, whilst you grab and twist my nipples. You can move from laying butterfly-soft kisses on my lips to laying them on my chin, cheeks, neck and collarbone, all while you drag your fingernails across my flesh so hard that I can’t hold back a whimper of pain and want. You can kiss every inch of my body, as long as you come back to my mouth sometimes. And when you do, you can stick to those soft, restrained kisses, and you can keep pulling your head away every time I try to tilt and kiss you more deeply – even if I let out a frustrated whine. No – especially if I let out a frustrated whine.

I also love aggressive kisses – the ones that go from 0 to 100 in the time it takes for me to process that we’re kissing. I love when someone abruptly decides that they want me now and jams their mouth against mine. I love opening up my mouth and having their whole tongue plunge in, slick and hot and desperate, like they’re trying to lick my uvula. Kisses like these ones should hurt my jaw a little, leave my lips feeling bruised from the force with which they were pressed into my teeth, and leave me dizzy and lustdrunk and thirsty for more. These kisses are well-suited for quickies, because they say, “We don’t have much time, and we need to do this now,” but they are equally well-suited for a long, exhausting, sweaty fuck, wherein they say, “I want you so badly I can barely see straight, and I am going to have you.”

Other kisses I like include the one I get after swallowing somebody’s cum, which can say, “You taste like my dick and I love that,” “You did an excellent job and I’m proud of you,” and/or, “I’m not finished with you yet.” These kisses are best served while I’m still on my knees, with you leaning down from above, forcing me to crane my neck up to meet your mouth. Maybe your fist is in my hair, or maybe it’s wrapped around my neck, cutting off my air supply because my breathing is secondary to your need to taste my mouth again. This is also a perfect time to kiss me tenderly, and then to mess with my head by holding my jaw open and spitting straight onto my tongue, just because you can.

But, if we’re talking about tender kissing, I also like the slow, soft kind of kiss that sometimes happens after sex, or first thing in the morning, when I’m in bed with someone and my hair is a mess. This one is a slowdance of lips, interrupted by gazing at each other’s faces with a blend of fondness and awe – a kiss that says, “God, you’re beautiful,” in between us saying the same thing out loud. This is the kind of kiss you share as aftercare, as a way to say, “We’ve just done some fucked up shit to each other, but only because we really like each other.” Those kisses feel like the warm bath of sunlight on my face, and I love them as much as all the other kinds of kisses – if not, secretly, just a little more.


The pandemic and subsequent lockdown that’s going on right now means that I’ve lost a lot of work opportunities (because every other fucker at my agency is snagging jobs before I can). If you also want to give me a birthday present four months early, consider buying me a coffee or commissioning transcripts or captions from me!

“Honey, You Need To Piss On Me More”: Templates For Talking About Kink

Being autistic has a huge, variable impact upon my communication skills.

Being anxious exacerbates this, but too often I neglect to have crucial conversations with people because I don’t know how to start. It’s hard to parse how much of the problem is rooted in autism stuff and how much is rooted in anxiety stuff, but I’ve always struggled with task initiation. I also struggle with expressing myself accurately and thoroughly, and I’m an absolute fucker for that autistic thing where you think that somebody knows something simply because it’s obvious to you. (Because everyone’s brain works exactly like mine, right?)

Fortunately, kink makes a lot of communication unavoidable for me. The first piece of advice any budding kinkster receives is usually, ‘Do your research,’ and upon doing said research, they find that the second tip is nearly always, ‘Communicate, a lot.’ Any partner who doesn’t want to hear about your thoughts, feelings, needs and boundaries – relating to sex, kink and life at large – is not a partner you want to keep around.

So, regardless of my reluctance to be ‘needy’ and all the autism things that make it hard for me to hold a conversation, I have found workarounds that make it easy (or at least, easier) to talk to partners about kink. One of them is using meta-communication strategies, voicing my anxiety so my partner(s) can understand why I might be stammering and hiding behind my blankie while I suggest a watersports scene. And others are a little more suited to people afraid of being direct:


Method #1: Blame somebody else

Sometimes, the scariest part of communicating about kink is just conveying the concept accurately to your partner without them thinking you’re super fucking weird. (It’s okay if you are super fucking weird, but I understand that a lot of people are anxious, especially in the early stages of a relationship, about the impression their partner is forming of them.)

So I hereby grant you permission to make it my fault.

Lots of sex educators say similar things, so you can pick from a bunch of ’em. Some ways to open this sort of conversation include:

“A friend of a friend of mine has started a blog, it’s about kink stuff, and uh, they wrote a really interesting post about threesomes…”

“I was reading around about sex and autism, and this one person online mentioned their Daddy kink, and uh, I thought that was really fascinating…”

“I saw someone’s cute tote bag on the tram and I Googled the name of the podcast that was on it, and suddenly I was listening to two people talk about wearing butt plugs in everyday situations…”

It might turn out that your partner has been just waiting for you to bring a particular kink into conversation so that they can voice their enthusiasm for it to you. In these cases, they might react excitedly, telling you that they’re a big fan of whatever you’ve mentioned, or that they’ve always wanted to try it.

If they don’t respond this way, it’s either because they’re not getting the hint, or because they have no interest in the thing you’re namedropping. If they’re squicked by it, or have it as a hard limit, they’ll probably make that clear, by asking to stop talking about it, or by abruptly changing the subject. If your partner outright states that something is a boundary of theirs, you should definitely stop talking about it, and accept that you can’t do that sex or kink act with that particular person.

If trying to gauge their enthusiasm (or lack thereof) about a kink from just this seems like it’d be a challenge to you (since it relies on a number of nonverbal cues), there are a number of other ways to communicate more explicitly.


Method #2: Just outright be nerdy about it

There are a wealth of Yes/No/Maybe list templates out there. Plenty of people will be receptive to the idea of filling one out, together or separately, and then comparing them. I like having this kind of conversation over a messaging app, so that you can seemlessly integrate the link to the template into your message about it. Like so:

“Hey, I found this cool template for a document where you can list which sex things you’re interested in: http://www.bextalkssex.com/yes-no-maybe/ I think it’d be really cool if we each filled it in and then swapped, so we have an idea of what’s on the table and what isn’t.”

If your partner doesn’t want to do this, it might be because they’re shy, in which case it might put them at ease to see yours first (because it’ll reassure them that most people have at least a couple of kinks). If your partner ‘forgets’ to fill theirs in after you’ve reminded them a few times, or if they state that they really don’t want to, it’s best to leave it, and let them talk to you about their sex and kink preferences in their own time (or maybe never).


Method #3: Slip it into sexting

It’s not respectful or consent-aware to turn a flirty or sexy conversation into one that’s about your specific kink if you’ve never checked that your partner is okay with the kink before. However, you can drop a kink briefly into a sexy conversation, and an ideal way to do this is to nestle it amongst other sexy things, so that your partner can just focus on those things if they’re not into the kink thing. For example:

You: I’d love it if you were riding me, slowly but so deep, and I could reach up, play with your nipples, maybe choke you, or grab your hips and help you to grind against me
Them: Ahh that’s hot, I love having my nipples played with! You could pinch them a little… and the hip-grabbing thing too, fuck

The hypothetical second person in that conversation expressed enthusiasm about the nipple play and the hip-grabbing, but completely neglected to mention the choking – so you can safely assume that they don’t want to talk or fantasise about them being choked at that particular juncture. If they don’t bring it up at any other point, you can probably draw the conclusion that being choked is not a kink of theirs.


Communicating about your wants and needs can be terrifying, but your partner can only say ‘no’ to anything you suggest. The best case scenario is, of course, that they’re as into the things you suggest as you are, and you have a grand ol’ time having safe and consensual sex and kink scenes.

The worst case scenario is that they’re judgmental and rude about your kinks, but in that case they’re probably kinda douchey anyway, and not somebody you need in your life.

Do any of y’all have any suggestions about communication methods and tools? I’d love to hear from you!

Smut Saturdays #1 – I’ll Drive You Home

Very very vaguely based on real-life events or fantasies of mine, Smut Saturdays will feature a monthly piece of erotica written by yours truly, for your wanking enjoyment. The characters are intentionally nondescript so that you can project your own fantasies onto them (and because I’m a lazy writer). If you have any suggestions or requests, let me know on Twitter, @KinkyAutistic!


Christine felt like the date had gone okay-ish. She’d giggled too much, exposing her wonky teeth, and she’d spilt a small amount of her orange juice with vodka on her cream-coloured top – but Johnny was still smiling warmly at her, and she still felt the weight of his hand on her thigh under the table, so all hope was probably not lost.
“It’s getting late…” she sighed, prodding one of the ice cubes in her glass with the end of her straw. “I should head back to my place.”
Johnny nodded, pushing his emptied glass (he’d had a mocktail, having driven into the city) to the centre of the table, so it sat by Christine’s. “Yeah, I have work tomorrow,” he said, and Christine met his gaze again. “How far out do you live?”
“It’s only half an hour by bus.” They’d discussed the merits of maintaining a car versus using public transit earlier in the evening. Johnny had gently teased her about her inability to drive, but had conceded that her ability to drink on their date was enviable. “I’ve had a really lovely time this evening.”
Johnny, whose left eyebrow had arched up when Christine had said “half an hour”, pulled his car keys from his pocket. “I could give you a lift, if you like.” He jangled them enticingly.
Christine knew that getting into the cars of boys from Tinder was ill-advised at best, but she also knew that Johnny lived in the same neck of the woods as she did, that the wait at the bus stop would be rainy and miserable, and that she’d spent the whole evening judging Johnny’s character and hadn’t gotten any bad vibes from him as of yet.
“If you’re sure…”
Another jangle. “C’mon, gorgeous. I’ll drive you home.”


Christine also knew that inviting boys from Tinder into one’s home for “coffee” is ill-advised, but Johnny had kissed her lips and then her neck in his car, and she could only think about creating a situation wherein he could kiss body parts further south.
“Do – do you – wanna come in?” she stammered, awkward and blushing. She knew that he knew that she was inviting him indoors for sex.
Johnny’s face split into a smile, and he unclipped his seatbelt. “If I’m welcome,” he said. Christine could only nod, and watch his perfectly-shaped ass as it exited the car. He moved around to her side of the car and opened the passenger door. “Lead the way.”


Somehow, Christine entirely avoided making the stuttered excuse about “putting the kettle on” that she had been dreading. As soon as the pair were over the threshold, his hands were at her waist, under her jacket, and she was tilting her head to welcome his tongue deeper into her mouth. Boldly, she slipped her hand into the back pocket of his jeans, and he growled in approval, pulling her closer, bringing her body flush against his.
She pulled away only when a hazy thought about neck-kissing crossed her mind, and she stood on tiptoes to press her lips against his throat. Johnny let out a barely-audible murmur, and his hands skated – tentatively, as though giving Christine time to object – up her sides, closer together, until he was cupping both her breasts through two layers of fabric. She’d worn a black bra under her cream top very deliberately, and clearly it had got his attention – as she kissed up his neck, towards his earlobe, he squeezed gently with both hands. She sighed, her breath warming his ear, and he shuddered pleasantly.
“Are you cold?” she teased, breathing against his ear again.
Another shudder, and he said, “Actually, I’m too warm.” And he reached behind his head, grabbed the neck of his T-shirt, and yanked it over his head.
“I feel like ‘hot’ might be more accurate.” Her eyes drank in every inch of his bare skin, his raised nipples, his dark, curled chest hair. “Very… hot.”
He pulled her closer again, hands firm on her waist, and their lips met, clumsily, hungrily. Christine started to unbutton her shirt, thinking only of more of her skin against more of his. His tongue brushed hers as her shirt fell to the floor alongside his.
“Christine,” Johnny gasped, in one of the rare moments where their lips weren’t magnetically joined together. “Do you wanna…” and he kissed her neck, “take this to your bedroom?”
She looked into his eyes, alight with desire, and briefly wondered if she should keep him waiting.
The urgent ache of desire in her cunt wouldn’t let her, of course, and she replied only by kissing him again, pulling him by his beltloops towards the stairs. He followed her up, and she was sure she could feel his eyes on her arse. When they reached the landing, she turned around to ask him to excuse the mess, and before she could speak, he caught her face with two gentle hands and kissed her again.
Giggling, she pulled back. “We’re still not at my bedroom yet.” She reached blindly for the door handle behind her. “But we are close.”
“Not close enough,” Johnny purred, kissing her again.
They shuffled backwards in tandem, faces locked together, until Christine felt the fluffy throw she kept on her bed brush against her leg. At that point, she drew back, looked Johnny in the eye, and sat on the edge of her bed. Then she reached up, and, without breaking eye contact – by some miracle – she undid his belt, exposing his trousers’ top button.
The corner of Johnny’s mouth was pulled into a sly smile. “What do you intend to do down there, Missy?” he asked teasingly.
“What would you like me to do?” she rejoined coyly, tracing the circular outline of his button with one finger.
A sincerity stole over his face. “Anything you like,” he said softly. “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”
Her heart warmed by this, and the rest of her still warmed by the passionate kissing and groping, she undid his button, unzipped his jeans and unleashed the outline of his hard cock, pressing through his underwear. Then, mouth all but watering, she tugged the waistband of his underwear down too, so that his erection was in front of her face, separated from her lips only by the space between them.
She hadn’t thought very hard about what she’d expected of his dick. It was definitely longer and thicker than she might have guessed, hooded with foreskin, outlined with the same thick, dark hair that grew on his chest. Christine sighed with desire.
“Um…” Johnny started. “I feel a bit… self-conscious. You still have your bra on, and I’m…”
“We can fix that,” Christine said quickly, standing up to shimmy out of her skirt. She let it fall to the floor, unclipped her bra, and sat back on her bed, in only a black thong. “Better?”
Before Johnny gave an answer, Christine engulfed the head of his cock with her soft, wet mouth. “Oh, fuck,” he moaned, placing a gentle hand on the back of her head. “Th-that’s good…”
She giggled as she opened her mouth a little wider, leaning in, his shaft sliding along her tongue. Gently sucking, she wrapped one small hand around the base of his dick and squeezed softly, listening keenly for noises of appreciation.
Christine’s blowjob technique was based on enthusiasm, so when she got bored of bobbing back and forth, she took his shaft out of her mouth and instead ducked down to meet his balls with her tongue. Hungrily, she licked at them, unphased by the hair – she was a great deal more concerned with eliciting those delicious noises, those “Fuck”s and “Yes”s that Johnny was letting past his lips with building frequency and volume. Her hand slid up and down his shaft, faster and more firmly than her mouth had, and his hand gripped her hair, tugging pleasantly.
“Christine, if you keep – I’m gonna –”
“Do,” she murmured, returning her attention to the head. Her lips teased the precum-soaked skin as she said, “Cum for me, Johnny, I want to taste it.”
She wrapped her lips back around the head of his dick, tongue moving up and down along his frenulum, and she could feel his legs start to tremble. Keeping her pace steady, a hand cupped gently around his balls, she moaned with need, and he grabbed her hair with his other hand, too.
She felt and tasted his cum, his cock twitching against her tongue as he came. It spurted, warm and thick, into her mouth, and she kept stock-still, reluctant to overwhelm him, until the final drops pumped out and he pulled away.
“Oh god… oh my god.” Sighing, Johnny threw himself onto the bed beside Christine. “That was… oh, god.”
Christine giggled. “Worth the price of the fuel to drive me home?”
“God, yes.” Johnny reached for her thong. “How can I make this evening worth your bus fare?”