Smut Saturdays #7 – How Does Slutspace Feel For Me?

A faceless picture of a curvy-ish white person (Morgan) lying on their side in bed, naked but with the duvet obscuring their nipple.

This post, in addition to being part of my Smut Saturdays series, is also part of my headspaces miniseries (wherein I explore the nuanced variations upon subspace I experience in different contexts). As always, if you have suggestions for a Smut Saturdays piece (or any other kind of post, for that matter), hit me up @KinkyAutistic on Twitter or in the comments section here on WordPress!


Unlike ropespace, masochist-space or service space, ‘slutspace’ is a term I haven’t actually heard anyone else use. I might have made it up. It refers to a particular kind of subspace that I access through genital stimulation (my own or others’), or through (consensual) degradation or humiliation. And, because I have apparently invented this term and thus nobody else has written about it, I’m finding it hard to explain and explore.

So let’s look at an example.

I’m lying on my back on my Daddy’s bed with my head dangling over the edge. I’m naked except for my collar, and he’s naked except for his boxers. The silhouette of his stiff dick is visible through the grey fabric, making my mouth water, and I don’t take my eyes off it. I can’t.

Until, of course, he pulls it out of his underwear and fucks my mouth and throat. Then I squeeze my eyes shut, fighting my gag reflex and getting drunk on the taste of his cock. At some point (time is as much a slushy mess as I am, in this moment) he manages to reach down my little body and press the head of my Doxy wand against my cunt. I try to make a delighted sound but I just choke on his shaft a little. He turns it on, and I writhe against the vibrations, unsure whether I’m overwhelmed in a good way or a bad one. It doesn’t matter. I love that it doesn’t matter.

At some point, my Daddy gets bored of fucking my throat. Maybe I cum or maybe I don’t – it doesn’t matter. He drags me upright with a fist full of my hair, then yanks and shoves til I’m on my knees in front of him. The wand is discarded on the bed, because it wasn’t there for my pleasure, or even for my pain – it was there to help me generate pretty noises while my lips were around his dick. Now I’m kneeling below said dick, my eyes streaming from all the repressed choking, and he wants more pretty noises, so he slaps me. And he slaps me. And he slaps me. And I don’t know whether it’s the pain or the shock or the overwhelm, but I start to sob. He pauses and looks at me, so I whisper one of the only three words I can hold in my mind: “Green.”

I am barely a person in this scene. I don’t want to say that I’m ‘not doing anything’, because I am – I’m responding to everything best I can, like undulating my tongue whilst my throat is fucked and making eye contact with my Daddy between the hard slaps. But that’s about it. I’m not active, and I’m not thinking. I follow instructions like, “Open your mouth,” or, “Don’t flinch this time,” and I look pretty, and I am used.

And I love it.

That’s the thing – I do love it. That’s what makes it slutspace, rather than masochist-space or some kind of humiliation space. I am desperate for this to continue in some capacity or another. My tear-stained cheeks aren’t half as wet as my swollen cunt. If my Daddy were to walk away now, with me on my knees on the bedroom floor, I would only be able to shuffle after him, maybe grabbing at his legs, maybe whimpering, maybe crying some more. In slutspace, the whole world shrinks – all that remains is my body, and whoever’s dominating me finding uses for it.

It’s incredibly freeing. In slutspace, I don’t have the capacity to be self-conscious. I am no longer in control of my body. If I’m clumsy, it doesn’t matter – my partner can just take control, or can use my clumsiness as humiliation fodder, or both. If I gag on whatever’s in my mouth, I assume that was the goal of whoever put that thing there. All I can ever think about is being the best tool possible for the person using me, and about my own mounting arousal as they’re doing so.

My Daddy, in this example, fucks my throat a little more, then decides he wants my cunt. He manhandles me onto the bed – on my back, so he can pin me down by my throat. He slides into my cunt with ease because it is (as I am) desperately, ridiculously aroused – and then he fucks me, deep, and I wail and I sob a little more and I can feel an orgasm on the horizon. I can’t form words at all now, so I point helplessly towards my mons pubis in the hopes that it counts as asking permission.

My Daddy leans forward and growls, “Cum on my cock,” and his grip on my throat gets tight. I see spots and even in this useless, cockdrunk state of mind I know that he’s getting close. He doesn’t care whether I cum for the sake of cumming; he wants me to twitch and clench around him whilst he cums inside me.

It’s in the essence of slutspace that I crave abundance, so I try to drag my orgasm out as long as possible. I think (in a dim sort of way) of my vaginal walls contracting as I cum and milking the semen out of my Daddy. In this moment, in slutspace, getting filled with cum seems like the most important thing in the world.

And, naturally, I achieve it.

Slutspace doesn’t have to be about fucking, or about genitals at all – but it really swiftly activates mine. As soon as I slide into the greedy, one-dimensional, sensation-oriented state of mind that is slutspace, my clit tingles, my whole abdomen aches and my mouth waters at the thought of other people’s genitals anywhere near me in any configuration they choose.

It’s a little more vulnerable than some other headspaces because I really do surrender a lot of power as an active participant; slutspace functions as a prolonged objectification scene and my only power lies in the use of safewords. As such, once I have a cunt full of cum and I’ve caught my breath, in this example I stumble to the bathroom, clean up, and then get under the covers and make my Daddy watch me play Animal Crossing.

20 Things I Learned Whilst 20

I turned 21 on the 24th of July, right at the dawn of Leo season, and I managed to only Tweet obnoxiously about it once. In fact, this has been a pretty quiet birthday by all accounts, but it felt like it would be remiss of me not to mark it with a blog post.

However, it’s brain-meltingly hot, and I have a busy weekend ahead, so I decided I’d treat my readership to the ultimate cop-out: a listicle.

I have to admit that some of these things are things I learned before I was 20, but they’ve definitely been reaffirmed or brought back to the forefront of my mind over the past year. Some are kink-related and some are not, but hopefully at least one of these twenty things will be enlightening, or at least uplifting.

  1. I’m probably sort of a furry. I don’t feel a strong affinity for the furry community as such, but I have to concede that the headspace I enter into when engaging in puppy play (right down to having a specific breed in mind…) isn’t dissimilar to having a fursona, especially when I play with accessories like my collar, leashes and ‘puppy treats’ (usually Maltesers). Plus, I’d definitely fuck Nick Wilde from Zootopia.
  2. PRN anxiety medications don’t work for me, because as soon as I’m even a little anxious, I become too paranoid to take any medicines at all.
  3. Anti-psychotic medications do work for me, and so far I’ve been one of those miraculously lucky bastards who doesn’t lose any of their sex drive when starting a new psychotropic medication.
  4. I actually do like masturbating, it just spooks me when I’m alone for trauma reasons.
  5. I am definitely more of an A-spot person than a G-spot person.
  6. Letting your sadistic Daddy wax your vulva for you is not as good an idea as it might sound. Especially if he’s never waxed anybody else’s body before and you’ve never had your own body waxed in any capacity before. Really, it’s a fucking terrible idea. Put the Veet strips down.
  7. Crying during kink scenes is the purest, most amazing form of catharsis I can access in a healthy and sustainable way.
  8. Being face-slapped a lot makes me cry.
  9. I like Starbucks frappuccinos as long as they’re super sugary and don’t have whipped cream on top. I have reached Peak White Person.
  10. If you want something (especially if that something is a writing gig or similar), you should go for it. The worst that can happen is a ‘no’, which you can accept graciously and move on.
  11. …but seriously, I am capable of awesome things if I just scrape together the bollocks to spring for them. Like appearing on Disability After Dark. Or being featured on Girl On The Net. Or putting my amazing, well-lit nudes on Twitter.
  12. I’m much better at receiving beatings and bottoming in S&M scenes more broadly if I’m tied up and receiving encouragement.
  13. It’s not normal to bleed after vaginal sex stuff! Who knew?! (This discovery did lead to me getting to view live footage of my own cervix, though, which was cool as shit.)
  14. Therapy is actually useful if you don’t lie the whole time! If you can find a therapist who will accept your kinkiness and/or queerness and/or polyamory and/or proud neurodivergent identity (etc…) then therapy sessions can feel productive and worthwhile, rather than another chore-ish appointment you have to make time for.
  15. I have a lot more work to do in therapy and outside of it. I’ve realised I’m absolutely brimming with internalised fatphobia, internalised ableism, suppressed anger, suppressed feelings of loss… but I’m starting to unpack it all, and it’s worth the hard work.
  16. I’m even more of a huge nerd than I thought – I’ve spent the whole summer so far itching to go back to uni. I thrive on structure and intellectual stimulation, and I miss university so much whenever I’m away from it longer than a week. Master’s degree it is, then.
  17. I actually love giving analingus. If I could abandon this blog post right now and put my tongue in a butthole I would.
  18. Cis dudes actually can eat me out in a way I enjoy if they just listen and proceed carefully. Not all of them are teethy, sucky trainwrecks.
  19. If you have a penis in your mouth and you press a vibrator to your jaw or throat, the penis-owner can feel the vibrations, and they’re usually pretty happy about that.
  20. There is always new stuff to learn about sex, kink, myself and the world. And I’m excited about that.

Smut Saturdays #1 – I’ll Drive You Home

Very very vaguely based on real-life events or fantasies of mine, Smut Saturdays will feature a monthly piece of erotica written by yours truly, for your wanking enjoyment. The characters are intentionally nondescript so that you can project your own fantasies onto them (and because I’m a lazy writer). If you have any suggestions or requests, let me know on Twitter, @KinkyAutistic!


Christine felt like the date had gone okay-ish. She’d giggled too much, exposing her wonky teeth, and she’d spilt a small amount of her orange juice with vodka on her cream-coloured top – but Johnny was still smiling warmly at her, and she still felt the weight of his hand on her thigh under the table, so all hope was probably not lost.
“It’s getting late…” she sighed, prodding one of the ice cubes in her glass with the end of her straw. “I should head back to my place.”
Johnny nodded, pushing his emptied glass (he’d had a mocktail, having driven into the city) to the centre of the table, so it sat by Christine’s. “Yeah, I have work tomorrow,” he said, and Christine met his gaze again. “How far out do you live?”
“It’s only half an hour by bus.” They’d discussed the merits of maintaining a car versus using public transit earlier in the evening. Johnny had gently teased her about her inability to drive, but had conceded that her ability to drink on their date was enviable. “I’ve had a really lovely time this evening.”
Johnny, whose left eyebrow had arched up when Christine had said “half an hour”, pulled his car keys from his pocket. “I could give you a lift, if you like.” He jangled them enticingly.
Christine knew that getting into the cars of boys from Tinder was ill-advised at best, but she also knew that Johnny lived in the same neck of the woods as she did, that the wait at the bus stop would be rainy and miserable, and that she’d spent the whole evening judging Johnny’s character and hadn’t gotten any bad vibes from him as of yet.
“If you’re sure…”
Another jangle. “C’mon, gorgeous. I’ll drive you home.”


Christine also knew that inviting boys from Tinder into one’s home for “coffee” is ill-advised, but Johnny had kissed her lips and then her neck in his car, and she could only think about creating a situation wherein he could kiss body parts further south.
“Do – do you – wanna come in?” she stammered, awkward and blushing. She knew that he knew that she was inviting him indoors for sex.
Johnny’s face split into a smile, and he unclipped his seatbelt. “If I’m welcome,” he said. Christine could only nod, and watch his perfectly-shaped ass as it exited the car. He moved around to her side of the car and opened the passenger door. “Lead the way.”


Somehow, Christine entirely avoided making the stuttered excuse about “putting the kettle on” that she had been dreading. As soon as the pair were over the threshold, his hands were at her waist, under her jacket, and she was tilting her head to welcome his tongue deeper into her mouth. Boldly, she slipped her hand into the back pocket of his jeans, and he growled in approval, pulling her closer, bringing her body flush against his.
She pulled away only when a hazy thought about neck-kissing crossed her mind, and she stood on tiptoes to press her lips against his throat. Johnny let out a barely-audible murmur, and his hands skated – tentatively, as though giving Christine time to object – up her sides, closer together, until he was cupping both her breasts through two layers of fabric. She’d worn a black bra under her cream top very deliberately, and clearly it had got his attention – as she kissed up his neck, towards his earlobe, he squeezed gently with both hands. She sighed, her breath warming his ear, and he shuddered pleasantly.
“Are you cold?” she teased, breathing against his ear again.
Another shudder, and he said, “Actually, I’m too warm.” And he reached behind his head, grabbed the neck of his T-shirt, and yanked it over his head.
“I feel like ‘hot’ might be more accurate.” Her eyes drank in every inch of his bare skin, his raised nipples, his dark, curled chest hair. “Very… hot.”
He pulled her closer again, hands firm on her waist, and their lips met, clumsily, hungrily. Christine started to unbutton her shirt, thinking only of more of her skin against more of his. His tongue brushed hers as her shirt fell to the floor alongside his.
“Christine,” Johnny gasped, in one of the rare moments where their lips weren’t magnetically joined together. “Do you wanna…” and he kissed her neck, “take this to your bedroom?”
She looked into his eyes, alight with desire, and briefly wondered if she should keep him waiting.
The urgent ache of desire in her cunt wouldn’t let her, of course, and she replied only by kissing him again, pulling him by his beltloops towards the stairs. He followed her up, and she was sure she could feel his eyes on her arse. When they reached the landing, she turned around to ask him to excuse the mess, and before she could speak, he caught her face with two gentle hands and kissed her again.
Giggling, she pulled back. “We’re still not at my bedroom yet.” She reached blindly for the door handle behind her. “But we are close.”
“Not close enough,” Johnny purred, kissing her again.
They shuffled backwards in tandem, faces locked together, until Christine felt the fluffy throw she kept on her bed brush against her leg. At that point, she drew back, looked Johnny in the eye, and sat on the edge of her bed. Then she reached up, and, without breaking eye contact – by some miracle – she undid his belt, exposing his trousers’ top button.
The corner of Johnny’s mouth was pulled into a sly smile. “What do you intend to do down there, Missy?” he asked teasingly.
“What would you like me to do?” she rejoined coyly, tracing the circular outline of his button with one finger.
A sincerity stole over his face. “Anything you like,” he said softly. “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”
Her heart warmed by this, and the rest of her still warmed by the passionate kissing and groping, she undid his button, unzipped his jeans and unleashed the outline of his hard cock, pressing through his underwear. Then, mouth all but watering, she tugged the waistband of his underwear down too, so that his erection was in front of her face, separated from her lips only by the space between them.
She hadn’t thought very hard about what she’d expected of his dick. It was definitely longer and thicker than she might have guessed, hooded with foreskin, outlined with the same thick, dark hair that grew on his chest. Christine sighed with desire.
“Um…” Johnny started. “I feel a bit… self-conscious. You still have your bra on, and I’m…”
“We can fix that,” Christine said quickly, standing up to shimmy out of her skirt. She let it fall to the floor, unclipped her bra, and sat back on her bed, in only a black thong. “Better?”
Before Johnny gave an answer, Christine engulfed the head of his cock with her soft, wet mouth. “Oh, fuck,” he moaned, placing a gentle hand on the back of her head. “Th-that’s good…”
She giggled as she opened her mouth a little wider, leaning in, his shaft sliding along her tongue. Gently sucking, she wrapped one small hand around the base of his dick and squeezed softly, listening keenly for noises of appreciation.
Christine’s blowjob technique was based on enthusiasm, so when she got bored of bobbing back and forth, she took his shaft out of her mouth and instead ducked down to meet his balls with her tongue. Hungrily, she licked at them, unphased by the hair – she was a great deal more concerned with eliciting those delicious noises, those “Fuck”s and “Yes”s that Johnny was letting past his lips with building frequency and volume. Her hand slid up and down his shaft, faster and more firmly than her mouth had, and his hand gripped her hair, tugging pleasantly.
“Christine, if you keep – I’m gonna –”
“Do,” she murmured, returning her attention to the head. Her lips teased the precum-soaked skin as she said, “Cum for me, Johnny, I want to taste it.”
She wrapped her lips back around the head of his dick, tongue moving up and down along his frenulum, and she could feel his legs start to tremble. Keeping her pace steady, a hand cupped gently around his balls, she moaned with need, and he grabbed her hair with his other hand, too.
She felt and tasted his cum, his cock twitching against her tongue as he came. It spurted, warm and thick, into her mouth, and she kept stock-still, reluctant to overwhelm him, until the final drops pumped out and he pulled away.
“Oh god… oh my god.” Sighing, Johnny threw himself onto the bed beside Christine. “That was… oh, god.”
Christine giggled. “Worth the price of the fuel to drive me home?”
“God, yes.” Johnny reached for her thong. “How can I make this evening worth your bus fare?”