Things I Wish I’d Known Before Starting A Sex Blog

Hi! If you’ve found my blog for the first time via this post, my name is Morgan, and I’ve been sex-blogging since March, 2018. I can only imagine you’re here because either 1. You want to start your own sex blog or 2. You don’t, but you’re still really interested in the process of writing and running a sex blog. Either way, you’ve come to the right place! I’m going to share some things I wish I’d been told before starting up a sex blog, and I hope they’re of some use – or just interest – to y’all.

1. You will run out of ideas.

You may think this sounds impossible if you’ve just started to sink your teeth into the idea of sex blogging. “But Morgan,” you cry, “I have so many ideas! I filled two notebook pages with ’em!”

Yes, my beloved, it feels like you have so many ideas that you will never be stuck for inspiration. But then you’ll look at your list of potential blog titles, muttering, “Boring, played out, already covered that topic in a different post, boring, boring, irrelevant now,” until all you have left is some half-legible scribble that appears to only say Dick veins???

The thing is, when you first start thinking about putting together a sex blog, you’ll be excited, and you’ll probably brainstorm a whole bunch of topics that you could potentially write about. But, as that excitement mellows out a little, you’ll start to realise that some of them just aren’t viable, interesting or fun to write about. And you’ll have gotten used to having dozens of ideas in the pipeline, so once you’ve covered all your initial inspirations… you’ll be kind of stuck. It happens to everyone.

Everyone has a different way of overcoming it, though. Personally, I have been known to go through the alphabet, thinking of sex-related words for each letter and then thinking of whether I want to write about any of those. Other people recommend always carrying a notebook in case inspiration strikes, but I just use my phone – which then syncs everything to the ever-mystical Cloud so that my ideas don’t get lost down the back of an armchair.

The most important thing is to be kind to yourself, and acknowledge that this is a normal part of the sex-blogging learning curve. If you really wanna start a sex blog, you have to be prepared for the days you really don’t wanna write your sex blog.

2. It’s easier to start self-hosted than to change over later on

All the talk about self-hosting versus using WordPress or similar sounds technical and intimidating – as does actually going self-hosted. The only things I’ll say are: self-hosting is easier now than it has ever been, and I’ve never had a problem I couldn’t Google my way out of; self-hosting means your site won’t get removed for being naughty; it’s a pain to move your blog to any new URL once it’s established; nobody actually cares whether you’re self-hosted or not except for algorithms, you and your bank balance. Self-hosting isn’t hugely expensive, but it’s beyond some people’s budgets, and that’s fine! If you choose not to host your own site, nobody is judging you, I promise. (If they are, tell me and I’ll kick ’em in the shins for you.)

Basically: self-hosting has its advantages, and you should keep your options open where you can.

(You can also just buy the domain name you want to make sure nobody else snags it, go WordPress-hosted and save self-hosting for another time.)

3. Writing erotica is… weird. And not sexy

Okay, I’ve known this since before sex blogging, but it kinda feels weirder the wider your audience is. During my fanfiction days, I only had to worry about the responses of a handful of IRL friends and another handful of internet nerds who were just as confused about the mechanics of anal sex as I was. But knowing that nearly 1,000 people now see my weird sexy writing each month makes it all the harder to sit down in sweat- and menses-stained pyjamas and type the word “shaft” with a straight face. Finding words for body parts in erotica will have you cringing out of your skin, but d’you know what else will? When you get so deep into the flow of writing that you write something weirdly dirty or kinky, that’s uncharacteristic of you but that gives you a spiky little tingle in your pants. For me personally, the cringe factor overrides my arousal and I don’t use my own erotica to wank, but maybe you’ll find it less weird than I do upon starting a sex blog! I really hope so, ’cause it’s fucking weird!

4. It’s really rewarding to run a sex blog

For all the complications you might run into (internet weirdos crossing your boundaries, self-hosting stress and more!), starting a sex blog was so worth it for me. Every now and then, someone reaches out through my Contact Form or my Twitter DMs to tell me how much my writing has benefitted them – be it through helping them have better sex, teaching them something new or making them feel less weird and alone for being kinky/autistic/queer/etc. Those messages are what drive me to work on my SEO and site design, to help me reach as many people as possible – and they’re what you should be hoping for if you’re looking at starting a sex blog. Sex is super politicised in our culture, and you have to be aware that sex blogging is a political act – but one that can really, tangibly improve other people’s lives.

So, what are you waiting for? Go choose a cool pseudonym!


The pandemic and subsequent lockdown that’s going on right now means that I’ve lost a lot of work opportunities (because every other fucker at my agency is snagging jobs before I can). If you want to help me out, please do consider buying me a coffee or commissioning transcripts or captions from me!

The Secret Sixth Love Language: Please Promote My Posts

A dark pink on light pink version of Twitter's Retweet icon, to encourage you to share my sex blog with your friends!

This post is part of Mx Nillin’s Blogger Love Language prompt. Make sure to go give some of the other bloggers using this some love!


Y’all probably know that I love meta-communication and communication frameworks (like the scripts I suggested for talking to your partner about kink – click here). I’m getting really good at saying, “Tell me I’m cute!” or, “I could use some reassurance that you don’t intend to replace me,” and giving the people in my life the ability to support me, because they want to support me and they’re not psychic. After a whole lot of work in therapy about whether or not I am “a pain in the arse” (apparently I’m not), I’ve come to realise that making these requests is actually a nice thing to do for people who love me, and not a big ol’ inconvenience, because I’m just supplying them with information, and they can use that information to reach any personal goals they have which are attached to looking after me.

One way to supply people with that information quickly and easily is to use an existing, well-known framework. One such framework would be the five “love languages”, five categories of actions that people commonly use to express affection. They are, in short: gift-giving or -receiving; physical touch; sharing quality time; words of affirmation, and acts of service. If both you and the person you’re communicating with are familiar with, you can just say, “Oh, my primary love language for receiving is words of affirmation,” as a useful shorthand for, “I’m most likely to understand and accept that you’re expressing affection and the notion that I’m a worthwhile human being if you say nice things to or about me, rather than other things like buying me presents.” It’s a brilliant framework to have available.

Its brilliance is one of the reasons I’m excited about Mx Nillin’s blogging prompt. Using the existing love languages means that you can communicate the foundation of your methods for receiving love really quickly, leaving you with plenty of words to discuss the finer details. Making a meme of it means that people feel permitted to ask for the support that they want or need, because as sex bloggers and as people in an online space, we often feel like asking for support gives an impression of desperation, sell-outy-ness, spamminess and/or arrogance. I’m really glad that Mx Nillin has created a space specifically for us sex bloggers to state what kind of love we benefit the most from, and I’m excited to learn about the love my peers would like to receive.

With all that said, I am going to be an awkward little bastard and state that, actually, in the world of blogging specifically, the best way to love me and my work doesn’t slot neatly into any of the five love languages. The thing that gives me the BIGGEST warm fuzzies every time isn’t words of affirmation (like a comment) or gifts (like Patreon pledges), it’s sharing. Retweeting, linking to or mentioning my work on social media will make me squeal, out loud with my actual mouth, every single time.

I guess that the sharing part is an act of service, and when you link to my work, you might pair it with some words of affirmation – but, ultimately, it’s affirming in and of itself. You’re telling me, “I thought your stuff was worthwhile enough to show other human beings.” You’re also telling me, “I thought your stuff was worthwhile enough to press at least one additional button on my phone or computer.” Knowing that a reader thinks my work might move people, help people and/or titillate people feels like a step up from just knowing that they themselves enjoyed it, and it makes blogging feel like more than a self-indulgent hobby. If people think my work is important enough to share, I feel like it’s important enough to persevere with – even if I’m panicking about the end of the fucking world.

I wanted to get the whole “share my shit” thing out there because I think it’ll ring true for a lot of bloggers, but they might not feel “allowed” to state that it’s their blogging love language, either because it falls outside of the original five or because it seems demanding, cheeky or otherwise unreasonable. I wanted to break the ice early in September and grant other people space to say, “Hey, actually, share my things, please,” in part as a way to pay forward the awesome thing that Mx Nillin has done for our community in creating and hosting this meme on their own blog. Go and show them some love, too!

A badge made by Mx Nillin that says "Blogger Love Language" in a nice cursive font. In the background there are two chat-style bubbles, one blue and one green, each containing a love heart. The rest of the background is pastel pink and features a link to Mx Nillin's site, www.mxnillin.com


Want to help me write more, sleep more and buy more sex toys? Support me on Patreon, and maybe share the link with your friends and followers – it’s quick, easy and makes me smile!