Why I Love Analingus (Plus, Ass-Eating 4 Ways)

Stock black and white photo of a ring on top of a pale flower with many layers of petals, meant to euphemistically represent a butthole.

For the first three years of my sex life, I considered analingus a hard limit. In my Yes/No/Maybe list, I asserted that ass-eating was a ‘No’ unless there was a dental dam involved, regardless of whether I was giving or receiving – and, frankly, that boundary took the act off the table entirely, largely because neither me nor any of my partners could be arsed (winkwinknudgenudge) to acquire and use dental dams when we had already fluid-bonded in every other conceivable way. I knew that the chances of my partners selecting dam-covered analingus over another, less cumbersome and prep-heavy activity without a dam were slim to none, and I knew that some of them shared my anxieties about bacteria and, let’s face it, poop. So, for years, my diet was ass-free.

On the other hand, I loved (and love) butts and buttholes, and I had (and have) a passion for trying All The Things™ relating to sex and kink. When I started dating someone with as strong a love for butts and butt-related activites as my own, I naturally started doing more in the way of butthole fingering, talking dirty about buttfucking (giving and receiving) and, when I got toppy during sexting sessions, asking for photos of this person’s butt with its cheeks spread, which they happily delivered.

Eventually, this partner and I ended up in my shower together. It was near the end of a long weekend of fucking, and we were horny but also exhausted (and my pussy and jaw both ached in different ways, neither of which were the pleasant S&M-y way). I’d seen this person’s cute butthole a number of times over that weekend; we were in the shower, so my fears about bacteria and unintentional scat play were as allayed as they were ever going to be; we’d talked about rimming and established that it was something my partner was curious about, and, increasingly, that I was interested in too…

So I ordered my partner to face the wall and bend a little at the waist, and the rest is history.

I took to it like a duck to water. By this point in my sexual journey, I’d had a fair bit of practice when it came to eating pussy, but this was like cunnilingus on Hard Mode: buttcheeks clashed with my face cheeks, I had to push my tongue so far out of my mouth that my frenulum snagged on my teeth if I wasn’t careful, and buttholes don’t get erect, so there wasn’t as much “PUT TONGUE HERE”-type tactile feedback as there would be with a clitoris. And I loved the challenge of it. I loved the sensation of burying my whole face in an attractive butt and I loved the sense of working hard to pleasure my partner. I even came to love the specific texture of a butthole against my tongue and the taste and scent of a clean (or maybe slightly sweaty) buttcrack.

And, as I experimented further with it, I loved the ways that you could use analingus in play. Here are some tried and tested ways of marrying power play to ass-eating that you can experiment with and build on if you are, like I was, a complete rimming newbie:

  1. When you’re domming and you’re giving analingus, you can use it to humiliate. In between broad licks, you can say things like, “You’re so fucking slutty you’ll even let me put my tongue in your ass. Look how desperate you are for me to lick you, on all fours like a goddamn animal. Do you want my tongue back in your ass, bitch?” (providing those are all things that your sub consents to you saying). You’ve got them bent over in some fashion, so you can, if you’re feeling mean, slap or punch or even bite their buttcheeks, then coo pseudo-sympathetically and offer to “kiss it better” before returning your mouth to their anus.
  2. When you’re domming and you’re receiving analingus, the potential for humiliation is amazing: “You’re really willing to lick my asshole, you disgusting slut? You really would do anything to please me, wouldn’t you, you pathetic little thing?” Plus, you can push your butt further into your sub’s face, or even sit on it (carefully!) to add an element of breath play into the scene, and you’ve still got both hands free for touching your genitals or – if you’re a mean and indifferent dom(me) – checking Twitter.
  3. When you’re subbing and you’re giving analingus, you can get right in there and work hard at proving your devotion to your dom(me). You can use your hands to touch their genitals, or even your own – but I’d advise that you get permission first, otherwise you might find that they confiscate their asshole from until you can be more restrained.
  4. When you’re subbing and you’re receiving analingus, you’re letting your dom(me) put their tongue somewhere super intimate, and that can create a wonderful feeling of vulnerability and surrender. You could wiggle your buttcheeks adorably and desperately if they’re meanly keeping their tongue mostly still, and again, if you have permission or you’re feeling brave, you could use your hands on your own junk or on your dom(me).

Ultimately, analingus is like any sex act: versatile, enjoyable and only gross if you make it that way for kink purposes. Putting aside my (only partially-founded) anxieties to try it out led me on some incredible sexcapades like those described above, so as well as being titillating, I hope that this post inspires you to do something you’re excited to try, but slightly scared about – as long as you do your research, mitigate any risks and make an informed choice about it! <3

20 Things I Learned Whilst 20

I turned 21 on the 24th of July, right at the dawn of Leo season, and I managed to only Tweet obnoxiously about it once. In fact, this has been a pretty quiet birthday by all accounts, but it felt like it would be remiss of me not to mark it with a blog post.

However, it’s brain-meltingly hot, and I have a busy weekend ahead, so I decided I’d treat my readership to the ultimate cop-out: a listicle.

I have to admit that some of these things are things I learned before I was 20, but they’ve definitely been reaffirmed or brought back to the forefront of my mind over the past year. Some are kink-related and some are not, but hopefully at least one of these twenty things will be enlightening, or at least uplifting.

  1. I’m probably sort of a furry. I don’t feel a strong affinity for the furry community as such, but I have to concede that the headspace I enter into when engaging in puppy play (right down to having a specific breed in mind…) isn’t dissimilar to having a fursona, especially when I play with accessories like my collar, leashes and ‘puppy treats’ (usually Maltesers). Plus, I’d definitely fuck Nick Wilde from Zootopia.
  2. PRN anxiety medications don’t work for me, because as soon as I’m even a little anxious, I become too paranoid to take any medicines at all.
  3. Anti-psychotic medications do work for me, and so far I’ve been one of those miraculously lucky bastards who doesn’t lose any of their sex drive when starting a new psychotropic medication.
  4. I actually do like masturbating, it just spooks me when I’m alone for trauma reasons.
  5. I am definitely more of an A-spot person than a G-spot person.
  6. Letting your sadistic Daddy wax your vulva for you is not as good an idea as it might sound. Especially if he’s never waxed anybody else’s body before and you’ve never had your own body waxed in any capacity before. Really, it’s a fucking terrible idea. Put the Veet strips down.
  7. Crying during kink scenes is the purest, most amazing form of catharsis I can access in a healthy and sustainable way.
  8. Being face-slapped a lot makes me cry.
  9. I like Starbucks frappuccinos as long as they’re super sugary and don’t have whipped cream on top. I have reached Peak White Person.
  10. If you want something (especially if that something is a writing gig or similar), you should go for it. The worst that can happen is a ‘no’, which you can accept graciously and move on.
  11. …but seriously, I am capable of awesome things if I just scrape together the bollocks to spring for them. Like appearing on Disability After Dark. Or being featured on Girl On The Net. Or putting my amazing, well-lit nudes on Twitter.
  12. I’m much better at receiving beatings and bottoming in S&M scenes more broadly if I’m tied up and receiving encouragement.
  13. It’s not normal to bleed after vaginal sex stuff! Who knew?! (This discovery did lead to me getting to view live footage of my own cervix, though, which was cool as shit.)
  14. Therapy is actually useful if you don’t lie the whole time! If you can find a therapist who will accept your kinkiness and/or queerness and/or polyamory and/or proud neurodivergent identity (etc…) then therapy sessions can feel productive and worthwhile, rather than another chore-ish appointment you have to make time for.
  15. I have a lot more work to do in therapy and outside of it. I’ve realised I’m absolutely brimming with internalised fatphobia, internalised ableism, suppressed anger, suppressed feelings of loss… but I’m starting to unpack it all, and it’s worth the hard work.
  16. I’m even more of a huge nerd than I thought – I’ve spent the whole summer so far itching to go back to uni. I thrive on structure and intellectual stimulation, and I miss university so much whenever I’m away from it longer than a week. Master’s degree it is, then.
  17. I actually love giving analingus. If I could abandon this blog post right now and put my tongue in a butthole I would.
  18. Cis dudes actually can eat me out in a way I enjoy if they just listen and proceed carefully. Not all of them are teethy, sucky trainwrecks.
  19. If you have a penis in your mouth and you press a vibrator to your jaw or throat, the penis-owner can feel the vibrations, and they’re usually pretty happy about that.
  20. There is always new stuff to learn about sex, kink, myself and the world. And I’m excited about that.

Smut Saturdays #5 – Phone Sex

Every fourth Saturday, I’ll be posting erotica I’ve written, based loosely on my own real life experiences or fantasies, for your wanking enjoyment. If you’ve got any feedback or requests, put ’em in the comments or hit me up on Twitter @KinkyAutistic!
This one is particularly special because I wrote it years ago to accompany a fanfiction I was writing. I’ve changed the names and some details but I will be thoroughly impressed if you can name the source fandom!


He was actually… this was actually happening… fucking hell…

I took another deep, steadying breath. I had been taking a lot of those in the past few minutes, but I couldn’t really help it. I was shaking hard, my entire crotch was pulsing like it just wanted to get free… “Are you going to be a good boy for me, Ryan?”

I heard him moan again through the phone. Oh, god, that was hot… “Y-yeah…”

“Good,” I purred, pressing the phone between my cheek and shoulder and reaching down to just squeeze my crotch just a little, biting hard into my lip. I wanted to last as long as possible for Ryan, but I didn’t fancy my chances with him making noises like that, clearly enjoying himself a whole lot… and just to think about what he was actually doing… “Now, what are you wearing?”

“Jeans… and boxers… why?” He was already shirtless. Mmmm. That would come in handy.

I squeezed a little harder, the other hand absently brushing over one nipple. I usually just stroke my dick until it stops bothering me, but tonight was a very special occasion that I wanted to make the most of. “Could you take them off for me?” I asked softly, listening to his gorgeous little grunts and the shuffling of fabric. “There’s a good boy…”

He moaned again. “I… I like when you…”

“When I call you a good boy?” I heard a noise that was clearly an agreement, and more soft panting. I was going to explode soon, but I was determined to be selfless. “When I call you my good little boy, doing as you’re told for me…” He moaned again, higher in pitch and volume… “Would you mind if I did what you’re doing?”

“N-no… go ahead… ah, ahhh…” Ryan managed to force out. I think he was having some issues with words, and I didn’t blame him. I could hear his hand on his cock now, and he was getting faster and faster. “Just… tell me about it?”

“Of course,” I said smoothly, shimmying off my jeans and underwear, not even bothering with my shirt – washable, or replaceable, anyway – and settling back comfortably against my pillows, phone still in hand. “Can you slow down for me a little? Wouldn’t want you getting carried away, at least not yet…”

Ryan’s breathing slowed a little and the almost-squeaky moans subsided a bit. I tried not to mind too horribly; after all, they would be back in full very shortly. “S-say things…”

“Say things? Does my good boy want me to say dirty things in my sexy voice?” I teased, starting to stroke my cock slowly, inhaling sharply when my hand first closed around it. “You want me to tell you what I’m doing?”

“Mhmm, please,” he almost whined, and I bit my lip. Keeping myself from coming was going to be something of a challenge, but I could do challenges. For Ryan, I could do anything.

“I’m stroking my throbbing cock to the thought of you,” I murmured, squeezing a little more, “and listening to you touching yourself for me like the good boy you are…”

“C-can I… I wanna… finish…” He sounded so cutely embarrassed that I had to bite back a chuckle. “I-I mean…”

“Go ahead, Ryan, come for me,” I whispered, tilting my head back against my wall as I listened to him moan and then gasp, his breathing deliciously heavy. “Does that feel good?”

“Y-yeah… Ben…” Moan my name like that again, fuuuck… “Ben, I want you to fuck me.” Or that… fuck, fuck… “Do you want to fuck me?”

I nodded frantically before remembering why I was clutching a phone in my free hand. “Yeah, yes, I do…”

“I’m not such a good boy really,” he said slowly. “If I were, I wouldn’t have started touching myself for you, would I?”

“Y-you’re trying to show me up…” I ground out, thinking that maybe I should stop touching myself, and touching myself anyway. “You want me to come faster than y-you did…”

“Shhh,” he said, and I shhhed, biting my lip and continuing to stroke as slowly as I could bear. “It’s a shame you aren’t here, I’ve got cum all over my stomach and no way of getting rid of it…”

“Lick it up yourself?” I suggested. I’d done it from time to time. It was all right, nothing special, but I was pretty convinced that Ryan’s cum would taste like the nectar of the gods themselves, only significantly less holy. “If you want, I mean…”

“It’s not bad,” he cut me off thoughtfully, in a voice that sounded like he had approximately two fingers in his mouth. Oh fuck, that was hot… “I think yours would taste better though. Now, lie back, and get ready to take orders.” I found myself dazedly thinking Yes, Master as I lay back, heart and dick throbbing in sync. “You’re going to do everything I tell you to do, understand?”

Oh, I like this…


I had absolutely no fucking clue what I was doing, and I was thoroughly enjoying it. “Faster,” I said for about the five hundredth time, still lazily running fingers up and down my own shaft. “Still having fun?”

A series of incomprehensible moans and gasps followed that I took to mean yes. This phone sex this was a lot more fun than I had ever thought it could be. Ben clearly agreed, managing to murmur a faint “Ryan” as he kept going, listening to my voice and probably paying no attention to the actual words.

“You know what I want, Ben?” I asked, not expecting an answer. “I want you to fuck me until I can’t even walk. I want it slow and agonising at first, then fast and rough until I’m screaming so loud that the whole street knows what you’re doing to your good little boy.” I couldn’t even begin to describe how hot it was when he called me that. “You want that?”

“So… so bad,” he hissed. “Ry, I’m gonna cum –”

“Go on. Everywhere, like you would on me. You want to see me covered in your cum?” I asked, stroking myself a little faster. I wanted me covered in his cum. I had realised in the past thirty seconds or so that I really liked the idea of rough, messy sex, and it seemed that Ben enjoyed that idea too. I heard him cum, heard it splat on his stomach, and bit my lip. Oh, that was hot…

He chuckled. “Know what, Ryan? I think it’s your turn to take orders.” Gladly, I think I was kind of shit at giving them so maybe this will suit me better anyway. “Are you touching yourself right now?”

“Mhmm…” I admitted, looking down at my twitching erection and blushing a little. “Why?”

“Stop.” His commanding voice is unfairly sexy, I thought, taking both hands away from my dick in spite of the desperate need to get it down. “Now kneel up on your bed.” Somewhat puzzled, I did as told, phone between my shoulder and ear. “Suck on your middle finger.” Now I was beginning to get it… I followed the order, noticing just how much I liked following orders when a little bit of precum dripped onto my sheets. “Can you guess what I want you to do?”

“You want me to f-finger myself,” I muttered, already reaching behind myself. I’d never done this before, and I was terrified, but excited, as my dick was all too keen to remind me.

“That’s right,” his voice, fuck, “I want you to finger your tight little ass for me. Do you want to?”

I nodded slowly. “Mhmmm.”

“You want to fuck yourself for me, don’t you?” I moaned, pushing my finger in slowly… “Close your eyes, Ryan. It’s my finger. My finger in your ass, getting you ready for something bigger…”

“Ben,” I whined, “fuck me…”

“I will, Ryan. Where do you wanna be fucked?” he inquired almost casually. I wondered briefly whether he was still touching himself, but I was kind of distracted by my finger in my ass. “And how?”

I had been thinking about this for long enough to provide an answer instantly. “Your huge bed,” I breathed, “and hard, rough… I want you to punish me…”

“You’re a kinky little thing, aren’t you?” I loved that voice he did, like he was purring… mm… “Would you let me tie you up?”

“Y-yeah…” I moved my finger a little faster, moaning a little louder, shaking a little harder… “And… bite me… pull my hair… fuck…”

“Swear a little more for me, Ryan, it really turns me on.” I could barely even think, let alone form words. “Come on. Say, “Fuck me, Ben.””

“F-fuck me, A-ahhh… Ben…”

He chuckled again. “Beg,” he said shortly, and the command in his voice was enough to make me want to fall apart.

“Please… please, Ben, please fuck me, I need it so bad, I’ll do anything…” I shoved my finger in harder, gasping, and wrapped my other hand around my cock again. “B-Ben…”

“Good boy,” he murmured. “Keep going…”

I would keep going, all right. All night, all day, for week…