I use a lot of words on my blog, and some of them are words you might not have heard before, especially if they’re specific terminology for mental health things, kink, etc. This glossary isn’t extensive, but I’m going to keep adding to it, and I hope it helps make my blog more accessible – if you want any words added, just let me know!
AFAB – Stands for “Assigned Female At Birth”, meaning that when someone slid out of the womb, a doctor looked at their bits (externally visible genitalia) and said, “Oh, this is a female.” You can be AFAB and identify as a woman/female, in which case you’re cisgender, or you can be AFAB and identify as something else, in which case you’re trans.
aftercare – The process of attending to your physical and/or emotional needs after doing a bunch of kinky shit.
ageplay – When consenting adults play at being a different age to the one they actually are, usually used in the context of sex and kink but sometimes used to describe non-sexual, intentional regression. They might roleplay as a helpless baby, a stroppy 8-year-old or a horny 14-year-old; “ageplay” is an umbrella term which can refer to “littles“, “middles” and more.
AMAB – Stands for “Assigned Male At Birth”, and, as above, refers to what the doctor decided someone’s sex was when they came out of the womb.
autistic – That’s me! Autism is a developmental disorder which affects everyone differently. Difficulties associated with being autistic can include sensory processing issues, inability to understand social cues and problems with executive function. There are good things about being autistic, too, though – see stimming and special interest for more.
bottoming – Being the person who receives an act – like a beating, a spot of pegging, being tied up, and so on. This is different from being a sub, where someone is the less powerful party in a negotiated power dynamic, because you can bottom without power exchange, or even be the dominant party while bottoming
BPD – Stands for “Borderline Personality Disorder”, a disorder I have. It affects my relationships and experiences of attachment as well as my self-image and emotional stability. (Whilst it was recently renamed to EUPD, or “Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder”, plenty of people (including me) prefer the term “BPD”.)
breathplay – Any play that involves someone’s breathing. Breathplay can be as straightforward as ordering someone to hold their breath (which is objectively the safest way to engage in breathplay), or it can involve rope around the neck, dunking someone under water, or smothering someone with hands, pillows, tits, et cetera.
CG/l – Stands for Caregiver/little and refers to a power-exchange dynamic between adults, wherein one acts as a caregiver and the other regresses into being ‘little’ (see ageplay for more). This dynamic and associated play can be sexual or non-sexual and is characterised by the nurturing, supportive relationship between the players.
choking – People mean different things by choking. They might mean breathplay, where the choking restricts the intake of air, or they might mean blood-choking, where the supply of blood to the head is cut off. This is a high-risk activity that you should properly research (and, preferably, attend a workshop on) before doing with anybody, including yourself.
cisgender – Someone is cisgender if they identify as the same gender/sex they were assigned at birth. (Cisgender is also sometimes shortened to just “cis”.) See transgender for more.
DD/lg – Stands for “Daddy Dom/little girl” and is used to refer to a specific CG/l dynamic which features someone identifying as a Daddy and someone identifying as a little girl; this is sometimes used more broadly in place of CG/l, but doesn’t represent the huge number of caregivers who aren’t Daddies and littles who aren’t little girls.
EUPD – Stands for “Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder”; see BPD for more
functioning labels – One of my least favourite things in the world. Functioning labels are applied to autistic people – you may have heard the phrases “low-functioning autistic” or “high-functioning autistic” – but a lot of autistic people dislike them. I created an alternative way of conveying the way autistic people experience their “functioning” called the Autism Shape; the blog post about it is here, and the PDF about the Autism Shape is here.
LGBT+ – Stands for “Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender +”, and refers to the broad community of people who identify as those things; the “+” encapsulates other non-straight and/or non-cisgender identities, such as pansexual, queer, questioning, etc.
littlespace – The headspace that consenting adults enter into when they’re engaged in regressive ageplay.
neurodivergent – A neurodivergent brain is structured differently from the typical brain in some ways, and a neurodivergent person thus experiences the world differently – examples include autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, ADHD and many more. Some people view their neurodivergence, or its incompatibility with a world designed for standard-issue brains, as a disability, but many people, including me (and regardless of whether they identify as disabled), take pride in their neurodivergence and frame it as a neutral or positive part of the human race as a whole.
nonbinary – A gender identity that isn’t male or female. There are loads of different nonbinary identities, like neutrois, genderfluid, demigirl, demiboy, and so many more! I’m nonbinary and genderfluid, but I can’t speak for all nonbinary people – make sure you’re following a few more of us!
petplay – When someone roleplays as some sort of animal or pet in a kinky context. Common types of petplay include puppy play and pony play, but you can play as any animal you want!
queer – A label used by some LGBT+ people to describe their non-standard experiences of gender identity, sexual attraction and/or romantic attraction. Important: “Queer” has been and is still also used as a slur, and not every LGBT+ person wants to reclaim it or have it applied to them and their identity. It’s best not to describe other people as “queer” unless you’re absolutely sure they’re comfortable with it as a descriptor.
rope bondage – A general term for things you do to another person with rope. There are so many different styles of rope bondage – Western-style bondage often involves complex knots, while shibari often involves more wraps, hitches and very few knots.
shibari – A type of rope bondage involving the application of rope to a willing victim – sorry, person. “Shibari” refers specifically to a type of rope bondage that originated in Japan, but there are lots of other types of rope bondage – see rope bondage for more. (Thank you to my Daddy for their help with this definition!)
special interest – Some autistic people use this term to describe the intense fixations we get about specific topics. Special interests bring us a lot of joy and we try to learn everything about them (for example, I can tell you Crash Bandicoot factoids for hours with unwavering enthusiasm).
stimming – This is a way of referring to the self-stimulating, sensory-seeking behaviours that autistic (and other neurodivergent) people engage in. These can include tapping things, stroking a soft blanket, jiggling one’s leg, and, yes, sex stuff too. (I find the sensations associated with having a dick in my mouth to be very “stimmy” and pleasant.)
transgender – Sometimes shortened to “trans”, a person is transgender when their gender identity is not the same as the one they were assigned at birth. This includes nonbinary people (given that nobody is assigned nonbinary at birth), as well as trans people who decide not to pursue medical transitions (e.g. hormone replacement therapy, surgeries etc.). The only entry requirement for being transgender, as far as this blog is concerned, is having a gender identity which doesn’t match your assigned one. That’s it.
Wank Journal – The little book I have to record my adventures in masturbation. Read more here