Cum: The Devil Is In The Details

Selfie taken by Morgan where the top half of xir face is cut off and xir cleavage is covered in a lube which looks a lot like cum

Welcome to my new miniseries, The Devil Is In The Details, where I get unreasonably in-depth about certain aspects of sex or kink that fascinate me! This week, I’ll be talking about cum…


I have a complicated relationship with cum.

In theory, I love it. I fantasise about all the different ways I can interact with it – about being spitroasted and having cum squirt into my mouth and my cunt simultaneously; about being splattered with it in unrealistic quantities by one or more parties; about going for a walk straight after being creampied and feeling it ooze through the fabric of my pants and start to dribble down my leg. In all of these fantasies, I am enthusiastic about it, because in all of these fantasies, it isn’t cum-textured.

I might be alone in this, but I find there’s a particular squeakiness to cum on skin that gets my autistic hackles up somethin’ fierce. It’s akin to the creak of teeth against fabric – something I also can’t stand – and it turns my stomach every time I experience it. I love the sensation of being covered in or filled with something thick and wet and hot – but I can’t stand it on my skin for any longer than a few long, sexy moments. I can cope with it in my cunt, as long as I don’t have to touch my cunt, or have it touched by anyone else. I do, however, like the sensation of it dribbling out of my cunt, especially if it’s then caught up by fingers and fed to me (be they my own fingers or someone else’s).

The ideal place to put your cum, though, is my mouth. I love the taste of it – the way that some notes of it differ between each person while the bass line of human-tasting tanginess remains the same. (Forgive the weird music analogy – I have a lot of synaesthesia around tastes, smells and sounds.) I have no objections to the feel of the actual substance in my mouth, and I relish the moment that it hits my tongue, whether it be sucked out of someone and pulsing gently towards the back of my throat or shot hard into my mouth as a reward for someone’s handiwork – be it me, the person who’s coming, or a third party. I love letting it drip off my lower lip as I stare, dumbstruck by lust, at the person who put it there, but I also love dutifully swallowing all of it, including those last few drops that can be squeezed out at the end of an orgasm.

The other thing I love about cum is this: it’s tangible, physical proof of a job well done. It’s hard to argue that I’m not sexy or that I’m bad at sex when somebody has just ejaculated inside or all over me. Sometimes, in role play, I act as though I dislike or am indifferent to my partner’s cum, and that it only exists as a necessary byproduct of my obedience when ordered to suck them off or lay still for them – but it’s definitely acting. I definitely want the cum. I’m therefore far more comfortable in the role of desperate slut, whose sexual greed knows no bounds and who can only think about getting their holes filled, getting to come and getting covered in and filled with the cum of another person (or other people, plural) – which, to be honest, is kind of the case for me a lot of the time anyway. If you catch me daydreaming, there’s a solid 60% chance that you’ve caught me thinking about the tingle at the back of my tongue that cum can sometimes give me, or the way a dick looks when it’s twitching and spraying cum everywhere, or any other thing related to cum and how much I love it.

Who knows; you might even have caught me having that one recurring fantasy where I jerk someone off in the shower and then lick their cum off the tiled wall.


The pandemic and subsequent semi-lockdown that’s going on right now means that I’ve lost a lot of work opportunities (because every other fucker at my agency is snagging jobs before I can). If you also want to give me a birthday present four months early, consider buying me a coffee or commissioning transcripts or captions from me!

Animal Crossing and My Mental Health

A poorly-taken photo of my new limited edition Animal Crossing Nintendo Switch!

Content note: this post is about my mental health (or lack thereof), and mentions suicidal ideation, depression, the coronavirus and the fact that the entire world is a fucking mess. (It also mentions the upsetting experience of being stung by wasps in Animal Crossing.) If any of that is going to be challenging for you, go ahead and give this post a miss – your wellbeing always comes first 💙


My mum used to say to me, seemingly all the time, that “lovability and efficacy are the cornerstones of self-esteem”. 

I would always roll my eyes at that, in part because she was saying it in an attempt to nudge me towards doing my part in our three-person household. I absolutely did not believe that doing a bit of washing up or moving my dirty laundry from the bathroom to the washing machine would do anything for my self-esteem, and I told her as much. 

Except, actually, the time has come for me to admit that she was – and is – right.

I have been in the depths of mental illness lately. If “deep self-hatred and misery” is equivalent to treading water, I have been so much further out to sea and under the waves that I’m amazed the pressure hasn’t crushed my skull yet. I have effectively been on suicide watch for at least a week. The only reason I’ve showered in recent memory is because I had an appointment at the blood donor centre and knew that some kind phlebotomist would be getting all up in my armpits with a pressure cuff. The closest I have come to “efficacy” was when I started my Pusheen crochet project, and even that has been a challenge. You know, regular mentally ill person stuff.

This is where Animal Crossing comes in.

My Daddy and my boyfriend schemed for weeks behind my back and pooled their resources to get me the limited edition Animal Crossing Nintendo Switch, complete with the newest Animal Crossing game. They’ve called it a birthday present, even though it’s currently March and my birthday is in late July, for presumably two reasons: 1. They needed a reason to buy it for me upon its release, and couldn’t have sat on the surprise until July, and 2. I am parodically Leo in every way, boasting a deep need to be the centre of attention and to be spoiled rotten, so my birthday celebrations usually start in late spring and don’t end until the beginning of the academic year. Naturally, this means that two people I love conspiring in secret to surprise me with a very early and very fancy birthday present was already unspeakably lovely. 

They didn’t know when they first started planning this endeavour that I was going to be extremely mentally unwell when my Switch arrived. (Please save all your D/s-themed Switch jokes until the end of this blog post.) They also didn’t know that Animal Crossing would be the thing that dragged me back to “treading water” levels of sanity – and nor did I.

Animal Crossing’s gameplay revolves around completing small, achievable tasks and being rewarded for it. You can’t fail at Animal Crossing – the worst thing that can ever happen is that you get stung by wasps and need to find medicine, or maybe that a villager you love moves out of town. The stakes are low, and the music is soothing.

Getting my little island set up in Animal Crossing felt good in a way that no other activity has felt good for a while. Having fictional raccoons compliment me on my work ethic felt good. Helping a fictional cat choose a spot for her tent felt good. Editing my fictional passport to say, “Be gay, do crimes <3” on it felt good. 

Accomplishing things, however small and however fictional, felt so good that I found it within me to start writing a blog post. Because efficacy really is critical in maintaining one’s mental health. Feeling like you can do things, and do them well, makes a huge difference to your self-perception. Or at least, it did to mine. And feeling in control of things, even tiny things like what you have for dinner, or your fictional Animal Crossing home, is extremely healing and empowering at any time – but it’s especially healing and empowering for me, right now, because there are so many things that are beyond my control. I’m writing this in the midst of the coronavirus pandemic, so you can probably imagine all the things that have spiralled out of my – or anyone’s – control recently, but I feel like this post is evergreen: there will always be times when your life seems beyond your own control. But there will also always be things that you can influence, that you can achieve, that you can feel good doing – even if it takes a good long while to find them.

The world is a shitshow at the moment. But the deserted island my Animal Crossing character inhabits is not. It’s breathtakingly pretty and rich in resources. Starlight glitters on the river as I shake trees to find branches. Dicking around on my Nintendo Switch reminded me that there are parts of the world that are beautiful, and they aren’t beyond my reach.


The pandemic and subsequent semi-lockdown that’s going on right now means that I’ve lost a lot of work opportunities (because every other fucker at my agency is snagging jobs before I can). If you also want to give me a birthday present four months early, consider buying me a coffee or commissioning transcripts or captions from me!

Eroticon 2020 Virtual Meet & Greet: Morgan Peschek

A selfie in which I'm wearing blue lipstick and winged eyeliner, and looking at the camera all dramatic-like. I will probably look more tired at Eroticon 2020.

With just 48 hours until the start of Eroticon 2020, I’m here to introduce myself!

This post is late, and my first one for quite a while, because my brain has been on the fritz again. If you’re someone I know and you spot me at Eroticon this year (look for the blue hair!) then please be aware that I might be overwhelmed, struggle to process conversations and/or seem “off” in general. It’s not you, it’s just my wonky brain, and all I need from you is for you to be gentle with me and to understand if I need to duck into the quiet room for a bit.

If you’re not someone I know, but you’re attending Eroticon 2020, this post is for you! 

 

Name (and Twitter name) 

My name is Morgan Peschek, and my Twitter name is @KinkyAutistic. You can call me Morgan, Mo, Mog, Moggy, Momo, Morg(ue), Morgz, or basically anything other than my birth name.

My pronouns are they/them/theirs, even when I’m tarted up all femme like I probably will be at the socials.

 

Tell us 3 things you are most looking forward to at Eroticon 2020

  1. Seeing people! There are people I hung out with last year that I’m super hype to spend more time with, and I’m excited to meet new people, too – Eroticon seems to be populated exclusively by Good Eggs™, and I want to meet more of them!
  2. Learning new things, naturally – especially about building my wee blog into something that can reach more people, and hopefully even draw in some money (which I will almost certainly spend on dildos). Like last year, I’ve spent ages poring over the schedule, trying to decide between multiple amazing-looking talks and workshops, and coming to the conclusion that I wish I could be in multiple places at once.
  3. The Luke + Jack greetings cards session! I love crafting, and I imagine it’ll be a bit of a reprieve from the busy madness of the rest of the con. Plus, it’s Mother’s Day soon, and I need to sort something out for that…

 

What song always makes you want to dance?

Ooh, lots of them! At the moment, I’m really into Cake By The Ocean, but I can absolutely bop to songs ranging from The Sharpest Lives (by MCR) to Combine Harvester (by The Wurzels). I’m getting a lot less self-conscious about my dyspraxic white-people dancing these days, and really feeling the benefits of moving my body around to some tunes.

 

What is the best book you’ve read in the last year?

Oh, fuck, I haven’t read an entire book in the last year. I love reading, but depression and burnout have been kicking my ass, so I’m going to name a book I’ve read at least two thirds of – Come As You Are, by Emily Nagowski. I would like to recommend it to everyone and anyone – it’s the perfect balance of science-y, approachable and warm to read. 

 

What is your mobile wallpaper or homescreen image?

My lock screen is a selfie I took with my girlfriend, and my homescreen is a selfie I took with my Daddy. My laptop background, although you didn’t ask, is a selfie my boyfriend sent me while he was at a Pride event.

(This was just an opportunity for me to brag about my cute partners. Sorry.)

 

If someone gave you £5000 today which you were not allowed to save, but had to spend within 24 hours, what would you do with it?

Disneyland. I would go the fuck to Disneyland and nobody would be able to stop me.

 

Complete the sentence: I need…

A week off from my life to nap and finish Kingdom Hearts III and get stoned a lot.

If you want a more realistic answer, right now I need a frappuccino. I love me a caramel frap. 

 

BONUS QUESTION: What are you packing for Eroticon 2020?

I did this last year, and I will continue to be an impertinent little bastard and add in questions nobody asked! I have Cannot Shut The Hell Up Disease and I like looking at other people’s packing lists, so I assume that other people will benefit from mine.

 

  • Two cute dresses for the Friday and Saturday night socials, plus cute shoes and makeup
  • Comfy clothes and trainers for the Saturday and Sunday workshops and talks
  • An A5 notebook and a clicky pen with four colours, to make notes with
  • A Tupperware container, which may or may not be for stealing extra breakfast items from my hotel – but you can’t prove anything
  • My shiny new business cards (which I will thrust upon anyone who stands still long enough, because I’m excited about them)
  • The essentials: phone charger, meds, clean pants, etc.
  • My wonderful Daddy human, who some of you may have met at the Friday night social last year.

 

That’s me! If you’re at Eroticon for the first time and you’re nervous/don’t know anybody/want to make a friend, you can DM me on Twitter, or just come find me in person! Looking forward to spending time with all you lovely people 💙